Appearance in Psychologies Magazine Online
Look! There’s an article on Psychologies magazine online edition which features me! Please do have a read.
Warm wishes
At a crossroads? Might it be time to choose a new direction?
When Prince Harry announced he was leaving military service and admitted he was at a “crossroads”, it set me thinking that other people must often find themselves at their own crossroads too. You’ve done a particular job, or had a particular way of life, and then, for whatever reason, it comes to an end. It can knock you for six.
Less than four years ago, I was also at a crossroads too. The BBC was moving my department, Radio 5live, up to Salford. As a family, we decided it was not for us and I took voluntary redundancy. However, I had no idea what I would do next.
There had been a nagging doubt about staying at the Beeb which I had been ignoring and I thought now this might be the time to go and do something new. But what?
I knew I had certain things I did want to do: I wanted to take the kids to school and pick them up. I didn’t want them waking at the crack of dawn to be at the childminders for 8am, and not home until 6.30pm. I wanted to reduce my commuting and hopefully my stress.
What I hadn’t bargained for was quite how long it would take me to decide on the direction to move in once I’d left the BBC.
Initially, it was easy. I did some freelancing back at Auntie – quite a lot to start with. Which was good. “It’s important to keep my hand in”. I reasoned. But I still wasn’t happy.
I talked to my husband, my friends. I explored different ideas. Briefly I tried to sell up-market kitchen products. I didn’t enjoy it, but “It was important to find out what I didn’t want to do.” I reasoned.
So a two full years after leaving the BBC, I was still at my crossroads and unsure of which direction to go in. Two years! In the scheme of things, I guess it’s not that long, except think of the time I lost and possible income.
So, why did it take me so long? Well, like Prince Harry, I loved my job. I loved the work. I loved the people I came across. I loved my colleagues. So, how was I ever going to replace all that? Whatever I did had to still provide me with the fulfillment I was used to.
There is no easy answer, and I do wish I had the definitive one because then I’d bottle it, sell it and make my fortune.
I know how I’d have done it differently though.
I’d have got myself a coach. Why? Because it would have saved me two years of uncertainty. Two years of going round and round in circles boring my friends and family with “what should I do?”
If I’d known then how powerful coaching could be, I would have made that investment as early as possible.
I would have gone through that period of grieving for what I loved (the BBC), but with support from the coach. He/She would have helped me to identify what my values are (those things that are important to me and are non-negotiable), what ideas I had for what I could do and explore the things that were holding me back (my limiting beliefs). Then we would have worked out what I was going to do in order to achieve my goals.
A coach offers that ‘outside’ perspective which your friends and family can’t. A coach is non-judgmental, has no agenda and can ask you questions that you’re too scared to ask yourself. He/She (me!) can help you achieve that career change or whatever change you want to make.
Sitting at the crossroads doing nothing isn’t an option. It’s frustrating, depressing and boring. So make a move to find the right direction and take that important first step – call a coach.
It only takes 30 seconds to get started…
Get £100 back from me, if you book the Golden Ticket Coaching Programme before Midnight on Saturday 31 January 2015
In less than two weeks it’ll be February.
This set me thinking about resolutions and goal setting – you know, all the stuff you say you’re going to do at the beginning of the new year… and then as February gets closer… it seems your ambitions, promises to yourself – your resolutions – slowly unravel.
Am I right?
It could be that you have set your sights too high and need to re-set your goals, being more realistic about what you want to do and the time frame you want to do them in. Or it may be that you have forgotten “life” – that stuff that happens to us all, every day, and interrupts even the best laid plans. Or you realise there are other things you have to do first before you can even get started on your plans for 2015. Or it’s something else.
Whatever it is that is holding you back, as a coach I help people like you to determine what your priorities are. Together we work out what or who might be stopping you reaching your goals, and how you can develop strategies to move forward and make the change your heart is set on.
In the meantime, you can ask yourself some questions which may help you with your decision making. Here’s three to be going on with:
- What do you really want? Not what you dream for, but what you actually want for 2015?
- What are the road blocks which are going to stop you achieving what you really want?
- What do you need to do first in order to get started to achieving what you really want?
Then follow the 30 second rule – give yourself thirty seconds to start whatever it is you want to get started. That first 30 seconds are the hardest. After that you’ll already have started it…
Good luck
New year? New you? Give yourself the gift of time.
I read two brilliant quotes this morning:
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.” from Charles R Swindoll and “What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” from Napoleon Hill.
They set me thinking.
January is the month for new beginnings, assessing how the past year has turned out, and how you want next 12 months to be.
If the majority of your life is determined by how you react to it, then your reactions are crucial to helping you make changes that become permanent, rather than just ideas in your head. Agreed?
And, if your mind can come up with an idea, and you believe in it…well, isn’t Napoleon Hill right, and you can achieve it?
Let me explain.
I have an ingrained habit or response to new things – new years, new months, etc. I set out enthusiastically, all guns blazing, determined that this time it’s going to be different and I will follow through and achieve what I set out to do.
Then…BOOM. Something or someone knocks me off track.
I become dispirited. I think I have failed. I give up. I decide I will never get going again and embrace the old habit I was trying to get rid of. Sound familiar?
So, I am reacting to what has happened to me (Swindoll)…and not truly believing in what I want to do (Hill). Agreed?
Except now I have an awareness of this repeated pattern of behaviour. By acknowledging it, I can see it coming. Now I am trying to take action. Not quite evasive action, but certainly action to get back on track again.
How do I do this?
By recognising when these feelings start to happen. Hearing that little voice in the back of my head and accepting it. Then saying to that little voice, “No. Not this time. No. This time, it will be OK. I will get back on track. Goodbye little voice”.
It takes time though. To learn to hear the little voice. And to then make those changes. Give yourself the luxury of allowing yourself the time to do that in 2015.
Special Offer for January 2015: Get £100 off the Golden Ticket Programme if booked before midnight on 31 January 2015. www.helenfostercoaching.co.uk
Five Steps to Making a Change Stick
However much you say you ‘want’ to change or you have ‘got’ to change or you ‘need’ to do something different, do you find it’s actually quite tricky to do?
I puzzle over this with my constant examination of my relationship with food and my inability to regularly exercise. I know I ‘should’ make changes to both these aspects of my life, but I don’t.
I’m starting to wonder if it’s due to a number of factors. For example, do I set my goals too high, so when I don’t achieve them in the first week/10 days/month, I’m disappointed and give up?
Here are five steps to help all of us make a change and stick to it.
Believe that change is possible
If you’re not convinced or not sure, you’ll fall at the first hurdle. Truly believe it and hold onto the idea that the change, whatever it is, is possible.
Be realistic
If you believe you can change, and you’re convinced it’s going to happen, don’t set yourself up to fail. For example, if you’re wanting to lose some weight by reducing the amount of bread you eat, don’t go and stock up on it! It’s putting temptation right there. In your face. Daring you to resist. Which you won’t be able to do.
Ask yourself, am I being realistic about giving up bread entirely? How will I manage when I go out for a meal? Be honest.
Be kind to yourself
Changing an ingrained habit does not happen overnight. It’s all about baby steps. Examine your habit. Why do you do it? Under what circumstances? Can you change the circumstance rather than the habit itself? Rather than coming in from work and going straight to the fridge, can you change your behaviour in some small way? Make it easy to do so that you can do it again the next day. And the next, and the next…
Have a vision
Imagine where you want to be. How will it feel? How will you be different? Describe it. Write it down. Own it. How real is it for you? It needs to be real so that every time the old habit seems to come back…you can remind yourself of this vision. I want to be two dress sizes smaller by next summer. Not a size 10, or even a 14. Oh no. I’ve learnt to be far more realistic. A size 16 will be fine – and realistic.
Give yourself a reward
Either a physical, tangible reward such as a smoothie after a workout, or a facial after achieving a particular goal. Set this reward up. Know how, where and when you will get it. And most importantly of all, remember to give it to yourself! Like I said earlier, be kind to yourself…you deserve it.
Good luck!
